I Finally Forgave

Wow! 
This snow cone is good!
The red, white&the blue is cool, in the hood...
This day is different.
Cases all closed & thrown out by all the defendant 
against the offendants.
Everybody is set free
from their accusations
from me
All I can do
is see the Future joy
that this moment brings
I smile more beautifully 
than ever before
I shine my light
for the glory of My Lord
Somebody said,
"do you remember what happen and what they did to you?"
I said ofcoarse I do.
But my emotions do not rule
nor does my feelings judge the final out come of what is due.
All I have control or even have a choice over
is to choose life or death shoulder
peace or no rest 
I told her...
freedom and forgiveness
or unforgiveness and bondage
Claim my healing or continue to vomit
It has almost been 2 years of darkeness 
and pain
questions of why, crying,and things not explained.
I decided to let it all go today
because happiness looks better on my face. 
Kindness sounds better than bitterness on my voice
men of God look better than religious boys
Jesus is talking clearer than ever before
because I finally open up the door
He stood and knocked until I let him back in
I do not desire to leave and forsake him again
Holiness is my call
Love is over all
Finally I see how
he died for us all
with out any complaints of what was done to him
the mission was greater than sin
He showed me my assignment is beyond my experiences of getting it done
Finally
I won
And my enemies I bless and pray for
not looking for their reward
but only waiting on
the satisfaction of My Lord
Now the sky is brighter
the rain is purer
days are longer
and nights are
shorter
time seems endless
like there is always enough
just to finally forgive those who hate me
yet them I love
I finally Forgive
So now abundantly
In Christ Jesus I live

LOVE -vs- Deception

Taken for granted
Taken advantage of
Me
The very word Love
That lives inside of
Me
tricked,hit,kicked
minipulated,ripped,
split
like I have a target
on my forehead saying
'GET THIS CHICK'
with directions in fine small print
 explaing you must kill her, 
destroy her, steal everything from her
BUT DO NOT LET Her Know 
Love is real
Let her believe the lies 
be an great actor of deception in disguise
when you look in her eyes
when you decieve her
apologize enough to go deeper
and find her treasure
and never give it back to her
not ever
Oh But LOVE 
is My Treasure
and we have concord forever
and we endure all things
and we say we forgive you 
when you've done wrong to me... or these
But you thought it was my outer beauty
you thought it was how much you thought I 
depended on you to do your duty
You thought it was my money, my cash, my doe
and you thought it was my intellegence 
and knowledge was what I pride in though
Wow!
How wrong you were
Let me tell you what it is...
Its LOVE
it has died,is dying,& will die 
Yet always resurrects because it is life
so there goes your chance at Killing or destroying me 
because
I only come back stronger, you see?
 There goes your options of stealing from me, 
I give more and create more than anybody, 
So you thought my pride was in my gifts and my talents...
these things are only here to give you what you lack, 
I help balance. Its for you 
and what you got,
I may also need.
But if you do not want to share it with me
I will find somebody who has more 
and bless them with more of me
You thought I valued other creations over yours,
 or the same creation over the same creation...
you are all on the same level
The only differnce between you
and all is who is condemned already and who is called...
other than that...this is where love is at
But you can not see
to understand it
I am not a definition
nor words to remember in a movie or play
I am a Spirit of Life
Truth and the way
I am the only friend you have
You might laugh
But when we finally meet
and relized you choose to be an enemy to me
I will have the last laugh
you hurt my people
you hurt me
Your hurt yourself
you hurt me
Love has words and deeds
you say forgiveness
not relizing the actions follow these decrees 
I have a challenge for you! Remember love is the final judge...
THOSE PEOPLE YOU CONDEMN BEFORE YOU
 EVEN PREACHED OR TEACH ABOUT ME INDIVIDUALLY, 
SHOW THEM IN ACTION WHAT LOVE REALLY MEANS...
AND STOP USING ME WRONGFULLY
Because when you decieve you will be decieved!

A Plea for Reconciliation

Acknowledgments go to
Starr Williams and Frank Moore 
Whom encouraged me to post this poem.
I love you sister and brother in Christ Jesus



Jamelle Says 
If it is over, why does it not seem like it is over?
Let me explain
Without boarders
Our souls left chemical implants of emotions
Inside each other
We some how exchanged deep expressions
Love impressions
During the time we were best friends, encouragers
And lovers
The power that is in the Spirit drove us to holiness
And the words that we spoke
Still have life in them
We replace our positions of our bodies
Even gave our souls new occurrences
With different people of varieties in society
But some how I crave to talk to you again
Lay with you again,
Preach,Teach & Minister
often
Do all I can
with you
Again
We intertwined our minds
So we stimulate each other
Without even trying
Some part of you is denying
Some part of you is lying
Because when I call you honey
There you go flying
I ignite love inside thee
Intimately
Without sexuality
Did I mention?
You are always in my dreams!
I may have not thought about you for weeks
And there you are unconsciously
I know you have done all you can
to stop me
You even plan on getting married
To somebody
Now if you do
Some part of me will go to 
The grave with you
But death do us part
Is what I know about us two
Maybe its maturity 
that you need
To just face the truth inside
That will set you free
Hoping you will agree
Until then
You will be suffering
Because you are attached to me
Oh it is unfathomably deep
I am definitely holy
I submitted to Jesus the Christ
Totally
I was on the path 
before you had known me
There has been no man with me
Since you honey
I am led by the Holy Spirit
When God says it
I hear it
And when you remember me
I feel it
We are connected
Yes I know 
in a point in time
I am sure we both changed
But some things remain the same
I love you like your poem is saying
"As Ancient As Time"
That’s the love that remains inside
So you can continue to hide
Behind pride
Afraid of what people
Will say
But why?
Or you can take a ride
To where I am alright?
We can have a new beginning
The Kind only Jesus is giving
The one that was meant
In our 1st greeting & meeting
Be honest honey
You need me
I inspire you
And you I
That’s why you try
Not to look in my eyes
Nor chat with me on line
Not to hear my name passing by
And 
Not to hear my voice 
That makes submit
Because you are mines!
And we are back in correlation
Redeeming the time 
Something inside screams
“Why” 
Is this uncontrollable
I told you so
That became challenge-able
And you did it
By Rebelling though
JUST LET GO
And let God
Yes
You have broken a lot of hearts
And just because someone believes
Or excepts everything you do 
And all of your lies
Does not mean
They are the one for your life
I’m your wife
That just means they are not meek
But mentally weak
And you see clearly
That is not me
Taking the responsibilities 
As a husband makes you complete
For protecting, providing
And loving me
Let us produce these godly seeds
For The King of Kings
God says I am your good thing
Just come back and find me
Where you left me
In your heart honey bunny
Tis is my plea
For reconciliation for thee

Final Chapter/Learned lesson(short story...last chapter in my book being published)

OK. I got issues. I got it! He is in love….head over hills in love. It’s been over for us. Since…since day 1. It was all for lessons I needed to learn. I think. Red flags! Were every where! I totally knew saw them and took heed in the beginning. Now I blame him for the same things I did. For real; like I never would have got with him without the persuading of my cousin and a few friends. And he probably would never had lied to me, used me, and left me to no return if it was not for some of his family and friends. Heck, the relationship book about our relationship told me the Aquarius 3 to leave Aries-Taurus Cusp as fast as I could..Lol! Signs like him living with his mother and having a child at age 20 told me not to even think about it. 

And that’s just it! I did not think about it. Not at all. Now I can get him off my mind at all. They say, people. Religious and spiritual people say it’s a strong hold or a soul tie. I say why? Why did he lie? How could he get on his knees and pray with me before God Almighty, write letters with promises and think God would honor him and his decision to coward out? But, I am not mad any more. I let go. I know he can not do anything for me. He never did except get me to go sing in venues and do poetry. Ok so he inspired me to write many poems and short stories. Some of my best work came because of that relationship. But it’s over. We both moved on. I literally moved 1600 miles away. He literally moved from relationship to relationship. It’s been over. So I sat down today and said, what do I want from him? Or need from him? I stared at him am his fiancés pictures for a while and I still don’t see the same or more joy than the pictures he had and have with me. They look like he did it just re do what he did with me. Its just obvious to me that my love and his love was greater. Oh well, interesting. But I figured all I wanted to do is please God. I wanted to keep my word to God that I would marry this man because I remember the prayers we put up to God, hand and hand together on our knees. Hmmmm? I have talk to God several times about it. I forgave the guy. I catch myself day dreaming about us two or remembering the fun we had. Peer pressure must be a beast because it got both of us in and out of something we both regretted. 

He still lies on me. Calls me names. Even his click, cult, associates join in on it worse than he does sometimes. He has fully persuaded them that I am a lunatic, mundane, crazy and some more stuff. All because I loved him and wanted to work it out. I guess his damage is beyond prepare of his pride that pushed him over the edge. So I asked a few great true believers what happen to him. Someone said it was my fault he regurgitated the true gospel because I had sex with him. They said if I never had sex with him, He would have received. Another person said he got delivered while he was with me but when he came against me… those 7 demons that left came back stronger than the ones that were there before. And the last simply said some ministries are built up to be torn down like the tower of Babel. He went from a self ordained Pastor role to not believing and preaching pastors are not in the new testament along with apostles are not for this day neither…and the list goes on. Sisters in Christ said he was jealous and envious of me. Brothers in Christ said he wanted to be me…as far rapping, TV, and radio ministering. You know it could be all of that. I just want to move on consciously and unconsciously and subliminally. 

I remember a prophecy that a friend of mine said about him…said he would have money, mansions, and family but he will never be happy because he denied the gift of praying in the Holy Spirit which is talking to God and no man can understand and the natural mind cant understand it…but of coarse talking to God will build your born again spirit up and edify it… Even the scripture say it’s our most holy faith. That was the prophecy. Do you know this guy built a whole doctrine against praying in tongues? I hope that is not blasphemy against the Holy Spirit because that is the unpardonable sin. Unforgivable. I was worried about him not making it to heaven and it all being my fault because I sexed him beyond any imagination possible. I guess that’s why I continue to contact him. To make sure he forgives me for those sinful sexual acts we participated in. I mean we broke my bed down! Literally. It was not a game. I just wanted him to know I loved him. But I was taken for granted for all the things I did for him. And now it’s over and it was a waist.

I don’t want to put myself at risk or even give another person a chance to know me like that. I try to forgive him more and more each day and pray so he may have a major encounter like Saul/ Paul did in the Bible. Him and his click attacks believers and non believers, accusing the brethren and daily and denying there salvation and authority. Ruthless folk they are; with no compassion. I read a book that showed me he was under the influence of principalities, powers, rulers of darkness and the Jezebel spirit. I cry what happen to his heart and his innocence? Was my sex that explicit? I must admit, I never did those things to or with anyone else. But God also showed me him and all his associates are in a reprobate mind denying the very powers of God. And he is making examples out of them. Their natural minds (intellectuals) are confused by spiritual things that they can not understand with the natural mind so they philosophy believing they are right…They are forever learning never arriving to the point of each of there individual calls; resulting in workers of iniquity. They may be able to define love but never will experience the whole truth due to there hardness in their hearts. Wow! I pray they all repent eventually from all the wrong but if the Holy Spirit is not in full communication with them so it will be hardly attainable. 

How ever I have repented for the sexual sin. The Heavenly Father said he could have forgiven me too. But because that young man did not forgive me neither will he be forgiven for neither it, nor will he be forgiven for denying one of the clearest communications of faith to speak to him in his new tongue of edification. His true repentance would have been to learn and grow with me as agreed upon from the beginning of the relationship. His pride did not want to be wrong and he wanted to seem like he knew more than me so he found somebody who didn’t and brain washed them, shook there faith and that will not go un-punished. At one point I became grateful my faith could not be persuaded by any man or anything else. My relationship with God, My 1st love, sustains me through it all. So all that pain that was caused in that relationship, all the suffering all my past relationships can not prepare to the Glory of God still to come in my life or the world to come. All that to say this, that was a lesson well learned. It was traumatic though. Sometimes my forgiveness just forgets about the messed up things he did to me, and against me. That’s the love of God through Christ Jesus.

I don’t want him back the way that he is. He is getting married to his project anyway. I guess most prideful and controlling men marry women they can manipulate. I will only follow a man that follows God. I will know, because I follow God too. I have not met him yet; At least not the one for me. Living single going on 3 years and a half Since February 2008-09-10 going on 4 years….This is a miracle in its self! I hope I meet him soon so I can talk and write about something else.

IN LOVE

I heard someone

Say the difference between

Rap and hip hop

Is like the difference between

Loving someone

And being in love with someone

Is like marrying for status quote

When you should be marrying for the love you know

It’s a battlefield in the mind

Hoping your heart is not deceived

By the eyes

When I was young

I was infatuated with being in love

The cute couple

Having the cute babies

Like angels and doves

Seemed so pure

No matter his status

Ball player or thug

He got mad respect and hugs

Got a little older and it was

Who would be my best friend?

Give me some ends

And sex me into exhaustion

And then it was

Can we learn together and

And grow better together

But now its like

What ever…

Because now I am waiting

To see my reflection

The trainer of my children to be

Direction

My heavenly treasure

My holiness pleasures

My infinite forever

Hidden inside who?

The authority

I can influence as we rule

As He cultivates

As I invest in him

Soul truth

As He gives and I receive proof

That it would be utterly obvious

Before and on the day

We say

I do

He will instruct as I teach

I will nurture as he sustains me

I will call him king

And will call me queen

Because we have dominion

Over the skies, earth and seas

We are priest and prophets

The father and mother of logic

Intercessors and encouragers

Of God’s Kingdom lodges

How will I know?

Because we will have love

And be in love

So its safe to say

That’s all I ever dreamed of

And that’s all I ever know

When wake up

In Love

So if you just got to have me in your life

The stars say it is love but

A love that was not meant to be

Because this relationship was filled

With hypocrisy

He blamed me

And I blamed him

He judged me

And I judge him

But I let go

It was so very hard though

And he been gone

When the accusation of the brethren

Turned him on

But facing someone who seemed

Once just like yourself

Like the old you facing the new you

It’s bound to be hell

But here we go again

He wants to be my face book friend

I’m not sure why

I don’t have any more tears to cry

Over him

Let’s see maybe it’s a video

Or a note

Or maybe something he forgot to send in

The last message he wrote

About a month ago

The last arrow

Bows EYE in my heart

After it was scatter abroad

I got it all back though

Revival went hard!

GOOD GOD!

But what he want though?

Maybe he wants me to see their wedding pictures

I am not sure

But I figure

He just wants to rub salt in the womb

Until I am dead in a tomb

Somebody said the other day

If you

Stab, kick, and hit a dead person

They won’t feel it

Well I don’t feel a thing

I am dead

Only resurrected

He don’t know me anymore

And just today I went to war

Spiritually I speak

And ask those people who were not meant to be

In my life to stay away as I declared and decreed

And the ones that were meant to be

To come back to me eventually

And here he is ironically

Like a lobotomy

And I don’t know him so

This is for you and your wife and cult of friends

All is forgiven but God has been watching

Deception and ignorance has stopped by back then

But they can not return to me again

Maybe it’s to re introduce to you “The Holy Spirit”

The Original reason why we first met kid

My hope is you don’t rebel again

What ever it maybe

I’m not doing this delete block thing

And then you’re back like a spring

Bong

Bong

Bong

So if you just got to have me in your life

Weather I am an enemy or wife

Do what you like

But your are really out of my life

Good Bye for the 7 millionth time

I once was Blind

Now I can see clear and bright

After a long, terrible, sad but

Successful fight

With Jesus living inside

Eternally I rise

Living to Tell

I pray that I have more than absolutely enough

Because with out an abundance

Life is, if truth be told simply rough

I contemplate my future to be more loaded than a city bus

Going every where with many thoughts like many craniums

Swimming around my medulla

It all starts with orders of the things I need

Quickly and those objects for longevity

The times and places that are earthy and heavenly

The people who are connected to my Devine Assignments

It’s more than my superb talents

And my exceptional gifts now

It’s a sense of balance

It’s a significance of global destiny

Ok 1st I require a strategy of a massive residual income

Then a means of convenient and extended travel

Like a dependable vehicle of my own

Ready to hit the multiple roads

And manifold high ways

Got to get Money in order to brand my stage name

And purchase my identity paraphernalia to decorate displays

Take photos, make posters, and fliers for world wide demonstrates

Publish my books with my affiliates

As I fast and pray

God draws closer to me

The Holy Spirit teaches me all things

As I become more like he created me spiritually

I align with the god like mentality

Then I need a place of my own because I’m grown

Feeling like I’m born again and I got it going on

Plus there is no place like home

After a few days on a missionary roam

It’s a Must I keep my phone bill paid yes

So every body can contact my uniqueness

That’s where I am in my wholeness

I love my singleness

To the point I went pass fearless

Like if marriage and children happens it happens

And if it don’t

I’ll get pass it

I’ll feel like there is a part missing

But the way this world is relentlessly

I can almost count it a blessing

And as sad as that is crucially

That is the reason why see

It’s best and very urgent for me to get out in this demeanor

Economic, Entertainment and Education Arenas

And conquer it like a champion drunk off Holy Aquafina

Representing like a true believer

It may seem like I’m behind

But I’m right on Time

With God in sequence and rhyme

Facing Human Kind

I went past fail

To an excellent blazing trail

Through fires hotter than hell

Here I am living to tell

Here I am living to tell

Here I am living to tell